I had been talking to a pharmacist, someone's dad, east indian. Telling him how she takes meds cause she can't sleep. That she can't sleep because of the pills she takes to help with the bipolar. That she also takes meds for her migranes and did he know about all the awful side effects that went along with those drugs? I told him how they made her worse and weren't actually helping at all and why couldn't anyone help and he was just sitting there smiling, nodding, because yes, he knows about the side effects and yes, he knows it's made her worse, but he's still smiling as he quips, "It's just common procedure." My anger was directed at him, at doctors in general and so I turn away and I'm just bawling and embarrassed about it but I can't stop, a real gut clenching, eye squinting, nose running sob that I can't hold back and that's when I wake and I'm wiping tears from wet eyes, thinking I can't remember the last time I cried like that. The last time I had a thoroughly good cry; more than two tears. I don't really cry anymore. Apparently only in my dreams. (who wants to bet that's something God's going to change this year..?!)
******END JOURNAL ENTRY*****
Cinnamon buns and lemon poppyseed muffins waited on glass plates for us that Saturday morning. We weren't on serving but also weren't sure if we were still supposed to show an hour early so we settled for 9:30. Either half an hour late or half an hour early. We were exactly on time. I had dressed up that day, determined to no longer look out of place, although I forgot normal people don't put pens in their hair...
******START NOTES*****
Ruling:
Genesis 1:26-28
26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
1 Timothy 3:5
5 (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?)
1 Timothy 4:16
16 Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.
A man cannot be ruler until he is master first of himself and then his home.
Acts 20:28
28 Therefore take heed to yourselves and to all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood.
1 Timothy 4:7
7 But reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness.
How can we train ourselves for Godliness? (How to rule your own life)
1) Die. To yourself.
Luke 9:23
23 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.
DAILY.
Friendship with this world is hatred toward God.
2) Live. Jesus embraced the cross but he didn't stay dead!
John 3:16
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
Whoever believes INTO Him. Your life is now in His life.
2 Corinthians 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
Live by the Spirit.
Romans 8:2
2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
Galatians 5: 16-25
16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
John 6:33
33 For the bread of God is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.”
You are not capable in your humanity outside of Christ to be spiritual. It's the SPIRIT who lives in your life.
Galatians 2:20
20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Fast because the spirit calls you to.
Colossians 2:10
10 and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.
Christ IN you who is the hope of glory.
3) Go on being filled with the Spirit. We died to sin, and we were raised to new life in Jesus Christ. Everything about rule has to be an annointing.
Ephesians 5:18
18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit
Daily go on being filled with the Spirit.
4) Speak in tongues.
1 Corinthians 14:2
2 For he who speaks in a tongue does not speak to men but to God, for no one understands him; however, in the spirit he speaks mysteries.
Prophecy buids others up, but we cannot bless others if we aren't buiding up or edifying ourselves. When we wpeak in tongues we utter mysteries (which is something that is not yet understood).
You are declaring spiritual truths that you don't understand. You may not understand them but in the heavenly realm, you are declaring these heavenly truths. The word of God tells you that you will build yourself up by speaking in tongues.
Always make music in your heart, worshiping the Lord.
5) Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.
Colossians 16:3 . . . does not exist. I'm apparenlty dislexic.
So Colossians 3:16 reads
16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
John 15:7
7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.
Romans 10:17
17 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
You do not believe anything until you put it into action.
6) Take hold of every thought. ( I think that's what my writing says. I'm not sure...)
Romans 12:2
2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
The way we think is rooted in what we believe.
Romans 6:1-11
1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? 3 Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? 4 Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
5 For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, 6 knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. 7 For he who has died has been freed from sin. 8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9 knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. 10 For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. 11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
7) Break bread regularly.
Acts 2:42
42 And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers.
1 Corinthians 10:16
16 The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not the communion of the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not the communion of the body of Christ? 17 For we, though many, are one bread and one body; for we all partake of that one bread.
Romans 5:17
17 For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.)
And they sang a new song.
*****END NOTES***********START JOURNAL ENTRY*****
The sun is trying to come out but the wind, cold and unrelenting, pushes clouds into the way. Thick, gray clouds heavy with rain. It's chilly but I want to be outside. I'm sitting on a cement bench just past the doors of the church, soaking in whatever little sun happens to seep through. On the drive down here it was 31 degrees. 31 in September. This is more like fall weather now and I find myself inadequately clothed and wishing it away. Come back muggy weather.
Someone's been in a car accident. The young people pour out of the church to see. They lean forward,strain their necks, trying to be inconspicuous about it. Mmm, sun. : ) When the sun's bright I find myself squinting my eyes, but then it goes behind a cloud and I instantly want it back.
No one's bothering me, and as I start to say that here comes Steph and Megan... Two planes have gone by already. I. Really don't know what I'm doing with my life right now. Where I'm supposed to be, or go, or live or do, but every time an airplane goes by it really just takes my heart with it. That noise just fills up my lungs and I get this longing more than I think I've ever momentarily longed for anything else, because I think 99% of my longings are momentary.
*****END JOURNAL ENTRY************START NOTES*******
Isaiah 40 A call to peace.
1 “Comfort, yes, comfort My people!”
Says your God.
2 “ Speak comfort to Jerusalem, and cry out to her,
That her warfare is ended,
That her iniquity is pardoned;
For she has received from the LORD’s hand
Double for all her sins.”
3 The voice of one crying in the wilderness:
“ Prepare the way of the LORD;
Make straight in the desert
A highway for our God.
4 Every valley shall be exalted
And every mountain and hill brought low;
The crooked places shall be made straight
And the rough places smooth;
5 The glory of the LORD shall be revealed,
And all flesh shall see it together;
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.”
6 The voice said, “Cry out!”
And he said, “What shall I cry?”
“ All flesh is grass,
And all its loveliness is like the flower of the field.
7 The grass withers, the flower fades,
Because the breath of the LORD blows upon it;
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers, the flower fades,
But the word of our God stands forever.”
9 O Zion,
You who bring good tidings,
Get up into the high mountain;
O Jerusalem,
You who bring good tidings,
Lift up your voice with strength,
Lift it up, be not afraid;
Say to the cities of Judah, “Behold your God!”
10 Behold, the Lord GOD shall come with a strong hand,
And His arm shall rule for Him;
Behold, His reward is with Him,
And His work before Him.
11 He will feed His flock like a shepherd;
He will gather the lambs with His arm,
And carry them in His bosom,
And gently lead those who are with young.
12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand,
Measured heaven with a span
And calculated the dust of the earth in a measure?
Weighed the mountains in scales
And the hills in a balance?
13 Who has directed the Spirit of the LORD,
Or as His counselor has taught Him?
14 With whom did He take counsel, and who instructed Him,
And taught Him in the path of justice?
Who taught Him knowledge,
And showed Him the way of understanding?
15 Behold, the nations are as a drop in a bucket,
And are counted as the small dust on the scales;
Look, He lifts up the isles as a very little thing.
16 And Lebanon is not sufficient to burn,
Nor its beasts sufficient for a burnt offering.
17 All nations before Him are as nothing,
And they are counted by Him less than nothing and worthless.
18 To whom then will you liken God?
Or what likeness will you compare to Him?
19 The workman molds an image,
The goldsmith overspreads it with gold,
And the silversmith casts silver chains.
20 Whoever is too impoverished for such a contribution
Chooses a tree that will not rot;
He seeks for himself a skillful workman
To prepare a carved image that will not totter.
21 Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?
22 It is He who sits above the circle of the earth,
And its inhabitants are like grasshoppers,
Who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,
And spreads them out like a tent to dwell in.
23 He brings the princes to nothing;
He makes the judges of the earth useless.
24 Scarcely shall they be planted,
Scarcely shall they be sown,
Scarcely shall their stock take root in the earth,
When He will also blow on them,
And they will wither,
And the whirlwind will take them away like stubble.
25 “ To whom then will you liken Me,
Or to whom shall I be equal?” says the Holy One.
26 Lift up your eyes on high,
And see who has created these things,
Who brings out their host by number;
He calls them all by name,
By the greatness of His might
And the strength of His power;
Not one is missing.
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
“ My way is hidden from the LORD,
And my just claim is passed over by my God”?
28 Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
31 But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
1 Corinthians 15 (once again trusting you can look up this entire chapter on your own)
We benefit by reading aloud. We do not apologize when we read the word aloud. This is God's word and we honour it, believe it, submit ourselves to it's judgement.
We are messengers of peace.
Our inheritance is the peace of Christ. He died so we could get it, and then rose again to make sure we got it!
******END NOTES***********START JOURNAL ENTRY*******
Ryan was in that car accident(a SOTW student, The Point is his home church). I was just informed. He's shaken up, maybe has some whiplash. I. There's a huge part of me that wants to go out, to leave this talk on peace and pray for the boy. I saw him walking out of the sanctuary and my first instinct was to follow. To show him I care, that I love my brother in Christ, but then I'm second guessing myself and trying to find the wisdom in it. Would I be doing more harm than good? He once asked me to pray for him, would he accept my prayer now? I envision myself wrapping my hands around his newly buzzed head and praying in tongues over him. But. Is everyone else who knows him feeling the same way and holding back? There are quite a few people out there already and I don't really know him. Would I be intruding?
Maybe I'll just go out on the grounds of needing coffee. Yes. I need coffee. Ryan. How are you? I needed coffee. Do you need prayer?
(that's where I actually got up and left the sanctuary. On the grounds of needing coffee. Yup. I'm crazy.)
*****END JOURNAL ENTRY*******START NOTES*****
We are the result of a history in faith. We are only here because someone was here before us. We are a wisp of grass, but the word of the Lord will endure forever.
Our need is to meet the need of every person in need. Oh that we could live off a tenth and sow 90!
If you want to be penetrated with the Spirit, sing to yourself, sing to others. Read the Psalms to yourself and read psalms to others.
*****END NOTES******START JOURNAL ENTRY*******
He was laying on a couch in the foyer with an icepak. Tears streaming down his cheeks and I couldn't look at him cause it made my eyes well up and then finally I got up the courage and said, "Can I pray for you brother?"
And he said, "Have at it." And so I walked to the other end of the couch and knelt down behing the arm so I wasn't towering over him (or flashing others as I bent to lay hands!). He had his head right against the edge of the couch, with his arms over his eyes and I asked him what he'd like prayer for, cause I wasn't entirely sure what the heck I was gonna say, and instead of asking for prayer for healing, as I'd expected, he asked for concentration. I wanted to pray in tongues over him but if there's no translation isn't it wrong? So I didn't. Anaways.
The boy got up and walked around. I went back inside the auditorium and five minutes later he walked, no, strode confidently in. Let this fill his eager ears.
There is a man here at this conference (with a translator), from Vietnam. They had been talking with Carrie (who is the apostle at this church) and thus they threw some of the programming to the wind of the Holy Spirit, and invited this man up to speak to us about what the Lord is doing in his country. In Vietnam.
So this short man walked to the front, to the podium. He had the microphone headpiece on and just the biggest smile on his face. He had a younger man who was there as a translator and the translator imitated the speaker's hand motions, tones of excitement and sadness. This man told us about the war between the North and the South. He told us how there are tribal minorities and these tribal minorities are seen as less than human by the government.
He told us how he prayed with one man, who then went out and fell to his knees at the base of a banana tree grove, where he interceded in the Spirit for the people of his village. When he looked up, the people from the village were surrrounding him and they too were crying. They had come because they had seen fire in the grove of bananas and when they got there it was just him, praying for them. The Holy Spirit moved in their hearts and 100 people came to the Lord that day.
Then the church that was formed there met in a building and one day the building was surrounded by people carrying buckets of water, because they had seen fire on the roof of the building, but it was just this church inside, and so they witnessed to these people with their buckets of water. Many people were saved that way. The Spirit moves!
******END JOURNAL ENTRY*********START NOTES*******
Romans 14:17
17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
1 Peter 2:15-17
15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men— 16 as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God. 17 Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.
You are free to live as God's slave.
Luke 17:5-10
5 And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.”
6 So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you. 7 And which of you, having a servant plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and sit down to eat’? 8 But will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare something for my supper, and gird yourself and serve me till I have eaten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink’? 9 Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not. 10 So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.’”
The servant (same with us) has done all he was commanded to do, and did not even expect a thank you, because he had simply done his duty.
We should simply do what Jesus has told us to do and expect no thanks, cause it's our job. When our life is like that, we have more faith.
John 15:15-17
15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another.
We are servants who love the Lord. Who shares the father's heart with us and calls us friend. Well done, good and faithful servant.
We need to have a fear and respect for the Lord, while he calls us friends.
John 13
1 Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.
2 And supper being ended,[a] the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him, 3 Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, 4 rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. 5 After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. 6 Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord, are You washing my feet?”
7 Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.”
8 Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet!”
Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.”
9 Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!”
10 Jesus said to him, “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you.” 11 For He knew who would betray Him; therefore He said, “You are not all clean.”
12 So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? 13 You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. 16 Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. 17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.
Jesus washed their feet (which could have been seen as removing a disturbance to their fellowship [stinky feet!]). He wants us to help each other remove everything that's not of the Lord. Everything that is hindering the flow of the Holy Spirit within us.
******END NOTES*****
A bbq had been planned for that evening at the Kraft's residence, but it didn't start until seven, so there was a whole lot of us with absolutely nothing to do for only an hour and a half. Jess was running around from group to group, telling us not to worry, that she'd find somewhere for us to go, and she did. We shuffled our butts off to Jenna's parent's house. Most of us changed out of church clothes and we were offered some not so real English tea. Jess and Josh decided we were in the perfect atmosphere to play the animal game, which consisted of us all coming up with an animal, an action and a noise. The coveted spot was the lion *RAWR* and the least wanted spot was the amoeba *amoooeeeebaaa*. You had to say the noise/do the action of the animal you were and then someone elses. That person then had to do their noise/action and then someone elses, and if you messed up, then you became the amoeba, and everyone else moved up, closer to the lion. I sucked at that game. And as an animal, I contributed the pterodactyl. Yup I did.
Jess announced it was time to go and we should tidy up our scattered mess. Somehow as we were tidying, someone found the grand piano in the next room and then everyone was gathered round as Josh played. There were windows right behind the bench he was seated at and as I gazed out the window I got my first glimpse of a ground hog, ever. Thing was, I didn't know what it was. Somehow, in my head, I had equated groundhogs and prairie dogs. I thought they were the same thing! I'd never had any reason to think otherwise, as we don't have them in SK. So there's this MASSIVE rodent just chomping on all their flowers, just meandering through the garden. Also prancing out in the yard was a squirrel, but he wasn't very interesting at all. Not compared to the beast.
So I'm absolutely freaked out, and sounded completely ridiculous as I pointed out the window demanding to know what that thing was. They told me it was a groundhog with this certain nonchalance and turnd back to Josh but I, believing groundhogs and prairie dogs were the same thing and knowing, without a doubt, that that thing was not a prairie dog, kept insisting someone pay attention and tell me what it was. Sometimes my blond roots show...
The Krafts had set out all the food by the time we pulled up but by the time I decided I might like a hamburger, the hamburger buns were all gone, so I gathered my ingenuity and used two hotdog buns to house my hamburger. There was also a bag of GIANT marshmellows. Three times the size of normal marshmellows. It took four dips in the fire to finish it! (that's me in the background, roasting the marshmellow...In front we have Jess, Jess and Amy.)
I hopped seats throughout the night, to talk with different people, new and known, snag some water or avoid the smoke of the massive bonfire that boys find hard to avoid. Eventually someone picked up a guitar and I was very excited for a real worship time, but unfortunately the guy playing did not like to finish any song, and he only started on the chorus.
There was a long row of about four picnic tables and at the end of the row was what appeared to be a person, sitting all on their lonesome. I walked passed that person several times and finally figured I should go ask why they were sitting there, all on their own. As I neared the dark shape I realized that it was, in fact, a tree. Well. It's the thought that counts, right?
I enjoy fires, and people, and guitar. I was so content to just sit and listen, or stare at the relaxing fire. But then we had to go, because our ride was leaving (the man who lives in the basement of the house we were staying at, did we plan that or what.) and I didn't feel much like talking after that day, so I was lucky Steph was in the front seat.
I had a shower right after we walked in the door, to be rid of the campfire smell. As much as I love campfires, I HATE smelling like them. I don't remember much after that. Day three in the U.S.of A.
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